Ask who they usually help
Learn which communities, ages, locations, backgrounds, and situations the shadchan knows well. Relevant depth is often more useful than a very large but distant network.
Choose a shadchan you can communicate with clearly and trust with context.
Reach matters, but a productive shadchan relationship also depends on understanding, privacy, responsiveness, expectations, and whether the person can represent you accurately.
Discuss communication
Ask how often you should follow up, what information they need, how they communicate a yes or no, and what response time is realistic.
Clarify privacy
Understand what will be shared, with whom, at what stage, and how photos, references, contact details, and sensitive context are handled.
Set expectations
Discuss whether the shadchan is accepting new people, whether there are fees, what involvement they provide after a suggestion, and when another specialist may be more helpful.
Look for honest representation
A good working relationship allows nuance. You should feel accurately understood rather than packaged into labels that do not reflect your actual life or goals.
Related Kenegdo topics
Questions
What people ask before joining
These answers are intentionally aligned with the main Kenegdo FAQ: private discovery, shadchan guidance, and serious fit before exposure.
Can I have more than one shadchan?
Yes. Some people maintain one primary relationship and additional relationships with shadchanim who know other networks or specialties.
Should I pay a shadchan?
Practices vary. Ask clearly about fees, timing, refunds, and what service is included before agreeing to anything.
What if a shadchan is not a good fit?
Communicate respectfully, update expectations, and work with someone else when the relationship is consistently unresponsive or inaccurate.